By Marc C. Shaffer
In my book One For All: How to Systemize Kindness, Grow Your Network, and Support Others Like It’s Your Job, I focus heavily on helping others, because that’s the heart of what I believe in and what we do at Searcy Financial Services and Allos Investment Advisors. But there’s a critical message woven throughout the book that’s easy to overlook:
To build meaningful relationships with others,
you must also nurture your relationship with yourself.
Taking care of your relationship with yourself is important because it forms the foundation for every other part of your life. When you have a strong, healthy connection with yourself:
- You can make better decisions – You understand your values and needs, so you choose what aligns with them.
- You can handle stress more effectively – Self-awareness and self-care help you manage emotions and challenges.
- You set healthier boundaries – You’re less likely to tolerate mistreatment or overextend yourself.
- Your relationships can improve – When you respect and value yourself, you attract and maintain healthier connections with others.
- You build resilience and confidence – A strong inner relationship gives you the stability to grow, take risks, and recover from setbacks.
In essence, how you treat yourself sets the tone for how you live and how others treat you.
Personal Growth is Professional Growth
What’s the last thing you’ve done to help yourself grow?
Each year, I commit to something new that pushes me out of my comfort zone, whether it’s a leadership program, a personal goal, or joining a group with a different perspective.
Personal development isn’t just something I believe in, it’s something I practice intentionally.
I’ve completed a year-long experience through the Leaders Institute, where I met with 30 leaders from diverse backgrounds every other month. I’ve also been an active participant in Centurions, a two-year leadership development program through the Greater Kansas City Chamber of Commerce. Centurions brought together some of the brightest minds from different industries and generations, and it challenged me to think bigger, listen deeper, and lead with greater empathy. These experiences stretched me in ways that no book or podcast ever could. They brought me into the room with people who didn’t think exactly like I did. They encouraged me to apply what I was learning in real time, through service projects, discussions, and collaboration. Even now, I continue to participate in the Pathway to Mastery every year. Though it’s tailored for realtors, I consistently pull valuable insights from it that help me grow as a financial planner and a business leader.
Investing in yourself doesn’t have to look a specific way, it just has to challenge you and move you forward.
The Myth of the Comfort Zone
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that personal satisfaction and fulfillment often lie on the other side of discomfort.
Early in my career, I said “yes” to everything. I filled my calendar, added every event, and tried to show up for everyone. But in doing so, I neglected something important: me.
I didn’t leave space to meet a future spouse or pursue my own happiness. I lacked boundaries, and as a result, my effectiveness, both personally and professionally, suffered.
Now, I’m still doing a lot, but with intentionality.
With the help of firm leadership, we’ve built a great team that supports both the growth of the business and my ability to stay focused and balanced. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I’ve learned to hit pause, reassess, and reduce commitments until I regain equilibrium. It’s not about doing less; it’s about doing what matters most.
One tool I’ve come to rely on for this kind of recalibration is international travel. Travel has become a deeply personal priority in my life, not just for exploration, but as a deliberate way to step away from the daily rush and create space to think more clearly. When I travel abroad, I allow myself to disconnect from busyness and check in with what really matters. It’s in those moments, far from email pings and to-do lists, that I often gain the most clarity about what’s next and how I want to grow.
What things do you practice to get yourself out of your comfort zone?
Discomfort can take many forms. Sometimes it’s saying “no.” Sometimes it’s boarding a flight to somewhere unfamiliar. But on the other side of discomfort lies growth, and the more you stretch, the more your comfort zone expands.
Scaling with Intention
When you’re ready to take the next step in growth, either personal, professional or with your business, you might have to adjust your expectations and let go of what has been to make space for what will be.
For a period of time, I intentionally throttled bringing new business on at our firm so our team could build the systems needed to scale effectively. If you grow too fast without structure, you start dropping balls, and in this business, dropped balls can mean lost trust and missed opportunities.
And, not only could your business suffer if you’re growing and scaling too fast or before you have systems in place to handle the growth, your mental capacity and balance could also be negatively impacted. You wouldn’t be honoring your relationship with yourself by creating chaos in parts of your life.
It’s important to grow in a way that’s sustainable for you, your team, and the people you serve. This principle applies beyond business. Whether you’re growing your network, your skills, or your impact, be careful not to overextend yourself. Make space for the right connections, the ones that align with your goals and values.
Say “No” So You Can Say “Yes”
One of my favorite reminders comes from Warren Buffett: “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say “no” to almost everything.”
This advice can feel counterintuitive to someone who loves helping people, but I’ve come to embrace it. Saying “no” to the wrong opportunities creates the margin needed to say “yes” when the right ones come along. Having margin means having extra time, energy, money, or space beyond what’s necessary so you’re not constantly stressed, rushed, or overwhelmed. It’s the buffer that allows you to breathe, reflect, and respond well to life’s demands.
And those No’s can lead to some great Yes’s! Sometimes that “yes” is to a new client who’s a perfect fit. Sometimes it’s to a big personal milestone. Sometimes it’s just to a peaceful Sunday with my family. But the only way I can show up fully for others is if I also show up for myself.
Building a Life You Don’t Need a Vacation From
Self-care, personal growth, and setting boundaries aren’t indulgences, they’re investments. And just like any good financial plan, they require clarity, strategy, and intention. If you’re serious about building a rich life, financially and relationally, make sure you’re not leaving yourself out of the equation. Grow your network. Support others. But don’t forget to take care of the person making it all happen: YOU!